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Jonny's Film Reviews
A Knight's Tale
********** 6 Stars out of 10! I was expecting it to be a bit crap and stupid from trailers I'd seen previously but it was okay. Brought back my childhood dreams of being a Knight. I remember playing Knights with my old friend Conrad in his back garden where we dressed up and battled for honor and the trips to castles where our imagination would be set on fire. There's just something inspiring and romantic about the whole notion of Knights, castles, maidens, bards and such...I know my vision is pretty far from the probable reality but it's still good to have such dreams. I remember the thrill of watching the jousting at Camelot Themepark and just the whole atmosphere there was amazing. Now it's full of people in animal suits and seems just dumbed down to me and rapidly losing it's old spirit. But the old Camelot Themepark (as it was before they 'revamped' it) was magical to me as a kid. I remember walking round the medieval style buildings wondering if I would see a dragon or wizard and trying hopelessly to pull the sword from the stone. From Authurian legends to Robin Hood, these things inspired me when I was young and I sometimes wonder if I would still be the same person today if it wasn't for these tales.For now though I shall sleep, try to push out of my head this modern craphole estate that surrounds me with it's Scallys and degeneration and wish for dreams of Ye Olde England.
I, Robot
**********8
Stars out of 10!
This is an excellent film and seems to capture some of the spirit and
vision of Isaac Asimov's
short stories well. I am a fan of all Asimov's robot stories and was
quite pleased with it. It tackled much of the darker side of his work
while Bicenntennial Man
(6 Stars) was turned into a pretty light hearted sentimental
affair in the movie. In "I, Robot" some the film sets seemed slightly
familar which helped capture the feeling from the book. I'd definatly
recommend seeing this film but moreso to read the book first. It can
definatly be enjoyed without and if you love mysteries and unravelling
storylines you'll like this. Of course there is a lot of action in the
film too which is admitidly not too much to my liking for this film but
it should keep the average film goer happy. The biggest problem I had
with the film was Will Smith. They should have cast someone else as the
detective because Smith just does not seem to capture the character as
well as someone else could have. Smith's "witty" one-liners seem to
stick out like a sore thumb and can piss on a scene. I like Will Smith
but this is not the film for him. And what are those Converse sneakers
about? How much did they get to plug those? And Audi cars must have put
in a good few dollars too. But as much as it has it's flaws I'd
definatly recommend this film. I dare you to go see it stoned and not
got paranoid by every computer you see. Special effects are fantastic
and the acting is alright too although the Robot's out perform Smith
most of the time. If you liked Animatrix,
System Shock games or
Deus Ex; then go see this now!
You can see the website at www.irobotmovie.com
Pitch Black
**********
8 Stars out of 10!
Excellent film. Reminds me much of the Aliens films. Good characters.
Good story. Great writer.
US Marshals
**********
7 Stars out of 10!
Same write as Pitch Black coincidently. This guy's obsessed with the
whole fugitive thing ever since he wrote the book of the same name.
Another fantastic story. More of a typical action flick though then
Pitch Black.
Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D
**********
5 Stars out of 10!
Cheese as hell but redeemed by Nick Fury being David Hasslehoff. The
flying fortress was done quite well too.
Dr. Doolittle 2
**********
4 Stars out of 10!
Dr. Doolittle Poo. Seriously though, it's okay. A film for the kids
maybe but a definate sequel stinker. Nothing like as good as the first
one.
Gladiator
**********
8 Stars out of 10!
This seems like an amazing film with a great story. Only problem is it's
far too graphic and realistic for me. Watched till his first arena
victory when I couldn't take it anymore.
Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines
**********
7 Stars out of 10!
Amazing action scenes, good plot, good ending. Enemy that reminded me of
Species. Comedy moments. Very Arniefied. Great if you like that sort of
thing. Probably just annoying if you don't.
The Sixth Day
**********
4 Stars out of 10!
Emporer's New Groove
**********
5 Stars out of 10!
Only got to see bits but it looked really good. Seemed fairly funny.
The Road To El Dorado
**********
6 Stars out of 10!
Got to see half of this. It was excellent, great characters, well drawn
and lots of Elton John. On the downside it was not to inspired storyline
wise but the characters made up for this. Not very historicly accurate
as there was no massacre and bloodshed and full on pillaging. Chel seems
to be aimed at the older male audience though as she spends most of the
film slinking round with revealing clothes on and acting slutty. Can't
judge the ending of this film though as I had to eat.
Elf
**********
7 Stars out of 10!
A surprisingly amusing film. Didn't expect it to be any good but there
were some brilliant elements in and comedy moments for all the family. I
loved it up untill the end when it had the ol' "we need to save Santa by
making everyone believe in him again" cliche. Could have done without
that as it slips into losing itself amongst all the other Christmas
films. I suspect this will be shown on TV either this Christmas or next
and then every year for eternity, so get used to it.
Snowman
**********
8 Stars out of 10!
This was a film I saw after Hammy
recommended watching the short film slot on Channel 4. The Film was
about a kid by the nickname of Snowman who was trying to survive around
a set of council flats in the UK. He gets involved with some unsavoury
characters and gets into some serious problem. Meanwhile his brother's
just come out of Prison and is working with the cops for some reason
(some community service thing?). As the plot un-ravels we find out that
the baby his girlfriend had whilst in Jail was not his after all but
Snowmans. Amazing script writing, very moving. Great acting.
DooM
**********
7 Stars out of 10!
Well it finally materialised; after years
and years of speculation we have DooM: The
Movie. Cliché characters in an Alien-esque
style demeanour start this film and then the suspense moves you along
slowly as you explore the labs with them. Not even close to the actual
tension in Doom3 but tense all the same.
The plotline seems very chopped up and odd but carries on the same
themes of the series. This film has gore galore and delves into horror
as well as action. It very much reminded me of the
Resident Evil film, but a good version. As you expect things take
a turn for the worse, and then another turn for the worse and adrenaline
pumping hardcore action follows. Not quite as intense as playing it but
it defiantly sneaks in there. I like the way they put torches in the
guns which is an improvement on the Doom3 version. Also it makes me want
to play the co-op mod sometime, the whole thing seems allot less tense
when you have some buddies and a bit of banter with you. I was
pleasantly surprised by firstly the acting and secondly an extremely
unexpected plot twist. Made the film allot better than I feared it would
be. The 1st person bit I was looking forward to throughout the whole
film could have been done a bit better though. That bit seemed like a
demented gruesome parody although the second chainsaw scene was quite
good. The fist-fight/wrestling scene was completely uncalled for and
that and the fact they could have done the 1st person and some of the
storyline better caused the film to loose marks. Defiantly a must see
though for fans of Doom, Aliens, Resident Evil and any other
sci-fi/action/horror.